Personal

Afraid

I wanted to ease myself (and you) into my new blogging expedition, trying to avoid anything too confrontational or controversial in the first few days. But after days of failed attempts to think of something vanilla, I realized I was losing days and ideas, and I may as well just rip the bandaid off.

So, I wrote a few posts dealing with things like rent control in Hawaii, refugees and immigration, and of course Trump. But I didn’t post any of them. The truth is, I am afraid. 

People aren’t generally nice when they disagree with you, and I don’t know about you, but somehow I always end up feeling like I am in the wrong. Especially because I tend to lean right of center and grew up in a religious, military, upper middle class, white family on the East Coast, I feel like my opinions and experiences are invalid and undesired when added to the broader national conversation. (Check your privilege.)

Working in DC for a few years showed me that your tightest allies will become your loudest and meanest critics if you “betray” them. For some reason, everyone else gets to define the terms of your worldview; and if you stray, heaven help you. (No one agrees with anyone 100% of the time. Why is that a surprise?)

No one likes to be wrong, and of course we all believe we are right – otherwise why believe anything?

It’s ok to confront, discuss, and agree to disagree, but it never stops there. I don’t like being someone’s project because they think I need to believe XYZ.

I read plenty of things I disagree with and I don’t post a nasty comment. I just roll my eyes and move on. Someone else who cares more will comment.  I think I am asking for the same ambivalence from you.

Sometimes, something may be so important you cannot resist correcting me (I feel that way sometimes, too). But don’t make it your life’s mission to destroy me. Help me, show me, teach me, please; but don’t destroy me.

Perhaps I am arrogant to assume someone will care enough about what I say to take the time to respond. But it doesn’t hurt to cover my bases, right?

And I figure if I start it all out just asking for some manners, I will be braver tomorrow and post what I actually want to say. Or maybe I just need thicker skin.

1 thought on “Afraid”

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